why can't there be a rewind button?

i don't think there is any way i could fully express how i feel inside right now.

i miss him so much. i go about my days feeling great, until the thought of him crosses my mind.

it's too hard not to think of the happiness we once felt about each other. i don't think it could be over. could it really be over for good? all the time and effort just for not?

i believe in love. if there's one thing i truly believe in, love has got to be it. i don't consider myself a quitter, the timing was all wrong.

i want to be with him. i also want to be free. i don't know if being satisfied is an option for someone who has a heart as big as mine. i want to love them all. doesn't seem very logical, especially when written. but even if i say i want to love them all i still think of one person most every night before i go to sleep.

i'm not sure how i'm supposed to remedy this situation. he's been and gone. and i wish he were here. part of me knows what's happening now is for the best, but i don't think this is means to an end. i don't believe there is an end to this thing i feel. this thing called love.

i think it could be smothered and retained, but never gone. i don't think holding back is the way. i don't think diversion is the way either. i don't fucking know which way to go, i don't know if i'm up or down sometimes. i just want to feel that feeling again. i can't feel it with anyone else. just because of cicumstances it wouldn't be possible to recreate the atmosphere, and the love behind every movement. every step we took closer to each other seemed like an eternity in one second.

it seems lately it's becoming harder to get this topic off of my mind. i'm hoping that it will subside. perhaps when i'm having a more busy time i won't spend free time pondering about the things that are truly hurting me.

i try to brush things aside but only a fool would believe i'm over it. the thing is, i don't want to be over anything. nothing's over. i just know that i feel i'm a generally happy person. but these days something's missing.