Okay, so I haven't blogged in a really long time. There has been a lot of ridiculous shit going on and I didn't really have time. I'll be honest, shit has sucked but it's starting to look up again.

There's so much in my head it's hard to get it out.

I have been realizing more and more people around me who aren't happy. I wonder if they were always like this and I had never realized it until now, because I myself haven't really been happy.

I think that I'm turning around though, at least I hope so.

I'm surrounded by people that I love. and they love me too. None of them know how grateful I am. I just wish I could make everything okay for everyone and it sucks to know that isn't anywhere near possible.

lately i've been thinking i really care about a lot of people more than they care about me. it's almost like i'm used to it though.

i'm not going to change anything i do though because i know loving is the right thing to do. it's a lot better than most things you could do.

\\Everyone just seriously needs to get high.//

sooo my birthday is in ten days.

i'm really hoping money will just appear out of the sky so that i can go see pretty lights april first. i was really looking forward to going.

that's okay though, i have the ones that make me smile (:

[["We are all sitting

Legs crossed round a fire

My yellow flame she dances

Tequila drinking oh our

Minds will wonder

To wonderous places"]]

i'm so glad it's finally starting to be warm outside. it makes the body feel good and it makes everyone happier.

just cuddling outside in the sun with all my favorite people makes me SO happy.

i'm sure i'm going crazy.

i feel like...

this is so nice.

i love love love love love

{explain to me this conspiracy against me}

dave matthews won't get out of my head. he won't even try. i've been listening to so much dave matthews lately & i still don't even feel like stopping.

yeah, i've listened to a few other things in between, but it's been coming back to dave for quite some time now.

i'm really happy about this new relationship.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

So, I was thinking about something earlier...

::I really don't think people were meant to love only one person.::

Now, I know some people may have a problem with this statement, and I really don't give a shit.

Love is not something that can be explained.// You can align your universe.

I also think you can't just love one person because there are so many good things about so many different people.
I think if everyone learned to share we'd be much better off and people would generally be more happy.

they'd get more love. and more friendships.

but this won't ever happen because we've been instructed to only love one person and try to be with them forever.

well that's not how it is.

at least not from my perspective

let's steal a bus and drive away...

I remember when I first saw this picture; I was so excited.

Two wonderful people in one small space...

it was really amazing. i've seen both underoath and taking back sunday... both bands that deserve a lot more credit than they receive. they both have deep lyrics that really capture the way i feel a lot of times.

i'm not as much into underØath anymore as I used to be but at that time when i was in love with them they really set it off for me. they're a christian band but i don't feel like it matters, their lyrics can be applied to non-religious ideas. but yeah...they scream a lot so i feel less into them these days...

this used to be one of my favorites.

taking back sunday...where to even begin? they're fucking amazing. definitely like the first album the most...for sure.

i saw them live and it was unlike anything i've ever experienced. i wouldn't say they are the best live band i've ever seen but it was definitely something amazing.

the whole band just flowing and the crowd right there you know & everyone can just feel the music...

i'll be your guide i'll show you the way

i don't even know

I don't really know what this is. Enjoy!

Fly me up, up to the top

Everything is spinning; still I don’t want to stop

Twirling and falling to the ground

Into the open air I’m flying

Gaining speed as the strings entangle me

I land so much softer

Take me there

Fast and jerky movements into smooth

Whirling waves upon the shore

Flying faster than we can speak

“Don’t be afraid” there was a secret.

No more fear; we can do it all

Smooth velvet and on a waterbed is what the clouds

Felt like rolling over and almost sliding away

a few things

These are just a couple of poems I wrote a little bit ago.

"untitled"

Our fingers laced invokes a new spark inside

something undiscovered and its becoming

hard to hide

so fast and unexpectedly

your eyes captured me

when we were in a state of bliss

do you remember that connection? or was it just me?

time was flying by that night but it was

only us three.

The world seems better through altered eyes

and worse all at the same time

but you were there and that's how I wanted it

to be.

Time was flying by and it was only us three.

"Masterminds"

I’m trying to realize what you are

You said “I see right through you”

But I don’t think you really do

I feel so high; my feet aren’t touching the ground

Time starts to slow as our bodies become one

Heartbeats multiplying whenever you’re around

I can barely hold on when it’s only just begun

Blindly I create a path I have never seen

Freely running with my eyes closed

I ran into you as fast as I could

And the impact of you

was the best thing I’ve ever felt

To realize what love is

Will we ever really know?

Constantly shifting we mastermind that

Love has got to be madness

i can't explain myself.

but i can say that i love you.

“A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free”

“Love that is not madness is not love.”

i'm being taken over.

Have you ever felt like your being taken over by something?

I don't even think it's me being taken over, I think I'm just happy..

I'm seriously fucking happy right now.

I've just been thinking about all the things I'm grateful for. Mostly the people.

They love cigarettes. All of them. And I love them more than they'll ever know. (:

My friends complete me. I don't think they realize how much I care...but it's like my natural instinct...actually i don't believe in natural instinct, but whatever - it is what it is.

where i wanna be..."He who knows best knows how little he knows" Thomas Jefferson

I honestly don't know. What the hell does normal mean? I just changed my font and normal is an option..like who decides which size is normal?

Haha, problem solved? I feel like swimming so much...like real bad! Does anyone want to go swimming with me? Somewhere has to be warm.

"Everybody wake up if you're living with your eyes closed"

L'amour est une chose qu'il n'y a pas une explication...

L’amour, c’est quand l’envie vous prend qu’on ait envie de vous

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

[i really wanna create some kind of teleportation device.]

is there any way to make sure i'll be in one piece?

silly girl, do you think we care if you're in one piece?

well...of course not. you're...they.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

take and hide me someplace far away...i wanna rest in the shade with you all day & talk of what we were before...

it'll all be better then.

does anyone wanna come?

Crash Into Me

I really just want to free my mind. Lately I've found myself just wanting to write so...here I am.

I'd like to start by saying that my life has been crazier than it's ever been lately. I have felt like I'm gonna lose it while at the same time being the happiest I believe I've ever been. I'm surrounded by people, music and things that all make me happy.

I want to go to the beach, when it's warm but not so hot you're miserable you know? Where there's a light breeze that blows through your hair just enough but not so much it's annoying. And I want him to be there with me, singing and playing. Just being...



I've fallen into something I don't believe I've ever experienced. I can't explain it to you, but I think it's that "l" word you know.

You know the one, the one that people are scared to say. I'm becoming less scared, because I've realized up until now, I'm not sure how much I really meant that 4 letter word.

Who knows? I just know that whenever he's there, I'm happy. For no reason. That's something I've never experienced before. And...he just gets it. Don't you baby?


I think that everything happens for a reason, and as the events have played out right in front of me, I'm becoming more sure of my actions every day. It's like I finally have some guidance.

"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson knew his shit. And I don't want to be angry anymore.


Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is my friends.

I've gotten so close to so many people at college. More so than I thought possible.
I've always been really shy...

and I feel like that person is completely gone.








I've just enabled myself to open up and be crazy and have fun; I think that's what life is about...and just doing whatever the fuck you want to do...






I love you Rachael, Mary, Danny & Derek...

The rest of you: you know who you are, peace & love.