On wednesday decemeber 14th an amazing thing happened. i won the Justin Bieber Blowout contest on JJS. I had entered this online contest over 12,000 times over the course of three long days. I entered the contest at least 12 hours a day!!! I won and immediately started screaming and crying! i was so happy that i was going to get to meet him. I drove down the next day to Greensboro, NC and stayed with my great aunt and uncle. It was really nice to have a place to stay and not have to pay for a hotel or anything. I went to the meet & greet at 3:30 pm that day and met Justin at around 5:30pm.

he was very kind and calm. he seemed tired. sadly, i'm not the only fan that has said that after meeting him. he's just finshed his US tour and he's losing his voice. poor thing...he's off to the UK after christmas. :D

well, back to when i was meeting him; i managed to slip a note into his pocket when i first walked up to him. he put his arm around me instantly, as if robotic. you could tell this is what he does with most people while taking pictures. i proceeded to stare at his perfectly sculpted face while he looked down and saw me moving in his pocket. he was wearing gray sweatpants. he said, "oh,..thank you" but it was definitely positive..like THANK you ^_^ hehe. he's so adorable.

meeting him was so unreal. to see him in person after always seeing him on tv or through a computer screen. there he stood, within reach. it was just soo amazing. after we took the picture he asked rachel about her tattoo and she told him when she got it. after the other three girls i was with hugged him i hugged him and i looked him in the eye and told him i hope he has a good show and he said thank you. that was all we spoke and even though it wasn't a lot i'm still glad he was so nice. and i'm glad i kept my cool. it didn't take me very long to freak out after i met him. i had done my makeup really pretty and it didn't long for all of it to come off. i didn't care though because i still had the awesome glowstick that i bought ^_^.

This is Justin with his 4 ama awards. he definitely deserved to win. he won best pop/rock male, breakthrough artist, he also won ALBUM OF THE YEAR and ARTIST OF THE YEAR. :D people like to say that the Ama's were rigged and that's why justin bieber won. hmm..i don't think so people, these things have to be voted for. AND then they'll say well that's just all the little girls that got to vote. Okay, that is partly true. The public aren't the only people polled. A lot of different people decide who wins. SO SHUT IT, the winners won for a reason.I think a lot of people are just jealous of Justin for a lot of reasons. 1. he's really good looking and there are a shit load of girl who'll agree. 2. he's adorable, like a little bunny. 3. he can sing well. 4. he can dance well. 5.he plays guitar, piano, trumpet and drums. 6.he's more rich and famous that you'll ever be, HMM seems like plenty of reasons to be jealous, not to mention that he can have pretty much any girl he wants! <3>

love of my life.

the last year of my life has been pretty crazy but i can finally say that i'm happy now. i was lost for what seemed like forever. trying to satisfy a need within myself and i realized my solution, the answer to it all was right in front of me. alan is what i've always desired. i believe in alan and i believe in us, as one. i've never felt so connected to anyone. after being with him this past week i've fallen even more for him. i would do anything for him. having his arms around me again was the most comforting feeling. i feel at home when i'm with alan. it's like he takes all the bad away just with his presence. i picture us laying down by a cozy fire with hot chocolate. and lots of marshmellows. just whispering to each other about nothing. i can't wait for that. i can't wait to be romantic and give him kisses. everything about him is wonderful. i love it all. we had such a good time while he was here, and we didn't fight at all. i love him soo much. his smile, his laugh, his touch. his love for video games, HIS EVERYTHING AHHH i love him completely. i'm sooo excited to spend my life with him. i love cuddling and kissing and hugging and poking and rubbing and being held. he still gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling inside. and butterflies in my stomach. alan completes me..i'm so glad to call him mine. i don't ever want to leave his side. he gives me a feeling like none other. i wish i had the words to describe the way he makes me feel but i really can't. i feel like i can conquer the world. i feel like i can fly when his arms are around me, he invigorates my soul.
i can't wait for the day when we won't have to say goodbye. when neither of us will have to get back on those planes and fly away. when we can just lay around in bed all day and snuggle and make love. those will be the days. those are the things i dream about all night when i'm cold in my bed without my love. but i know that all the suffering i'm going through without him will all be worth it when we can have our life together.

i can't wait

i am so in love. he's all i can think about. he's the light at the end of the tunnel. he's my reason for doing the things i do. it's all so that i can be by his side again. i can't wait to feel his hands on my body. i can't wait to feel the touch of his warm skin against mine. i can't wait to kiss his cheek when he's about to fall asleep. i can't wait to make him whatever he wants for dinner while he owns people on call of duty. i can't wait to wake up next to him. i can't wait to go for walks. i can't wait to build a fort and sleep in it. i can't wait to kiss him a billion times a day. i can't wait until we're together again...i love him so much. i love alan more than he could ever imagine. the days spent without him are so slow..and feel almost meaningless. even though i know every day is a new learning experience i know that life is enhanced whenever alan is around. it's like he just makes everything better just by existing. i know that what we have is true love. we have been through so much together and i can feel that this is only the beginning. i can only imagine the amounts of fun that are waiting in our future. i can't wait until we can take showers together..and snuggle up in blankets when it's snowy out. i can't wait until we can stay up all night just whispering to each other about everything and nothing all at the same time. there's so many things i miss doing with you alan. i miss everything. i'll never ever take my baby's love for granted. i'll never take the small things for granted. there is beauty in every moment that we share. i can't wait for alan to get off the plane when he comes to visit me. i can't wait to get that feeling in my knees, where i almost can't stand. i literally feel like i could fall over. i can't wait to smell him and rub my hands all over him. the last time i was with my sweety i remember i put my hands all over..i don't think he noticed but i closed my eyes at one point. i tried to memorize every part of him with my hands. commit these feelings to memory...because i didn't know how long it was going to be until i could feel him again..until we can watch the sunrises and sunsets. i can't wait until we have share moments of silence, where nothing needs to be said. the moments where everything feels right and perfect. that's what i feel when i'm with him...perfect.

i need you so much closer

it's been a month since the last time i wrote a blog. to me that seems absurd. but i guess things got really crazy and it was almost too hard to try and write it all out. even though i haven't been blogging i've still been having the same old rollercoaster of emotions. i'm happy to say that i really feel like my life has purpose now. something to live for. after feeling what life would be like without him i can honestly say that i don't ever want to be without him again. i'm so happy knowing he is mine. all mine.

however, us being so far apart hasn't been so easy for me. my love has an escape that i feel removes him from the pain of missing me.

i don't really have anything to escape to. i think about him all the time. i think about how i would be feeling at this point in my day if alan were there. and he makes everything better just by being there. some days i just want to lay around and do nothing. try to distract my thoughts from missing him. and the less i talk to him the more i miss him..does he miss me just as much? through all of this i know that the pain i'm feeling now will be worth it when i get to feel his arms around me again. i just get so paranoid. so afraid that i love him more than he loves me...because before that was truth to me. i trust him, with all my heart. that's why i have to believe. i believe in us. i can't wait to start my life with alan. oh, the simple sound of his name is enough to make my heart flutter.

besides everything with my love, things are...slow. my life feels like it's in slow motion each day i'm without him. and days we don't even get to talk... i will never ever take him for granted ever again. i hope he realizes how precious what we have really is. i think we're meant to be. meant to be together forever. there's reasons for everything. i believe in cause and effect. i believe that everything is good and everything is bad. i believe in love. i believe in change and adventure.

I love him. he's my true love.

i've finally realized that true love doesn't have to be like in the movies. it's not going to be that fairytale. but it is going to be something spectacular. and i know it will be a love like the world's never seen. a love that can conquer anything. and it's not going to be easy. but it's definitely something worth fighting for. i don't want you to let me go..
we can snuggle all day and whisper sweet nothings. or just call each other nigga. pookie you mean so much to me. i love love love love you. i love your green eyes and soft lips. i love your smile and the way i feel in your arms. i can't wait to do everything with you. they'll mean so much just because it's you. you're the most special person in the world to me. no one makes me feel the way you do. no one can understand me like you can. i have learned so much about myself because of you. you're everything. i will always love you.

positivity.

don't you hate it when you find out you've been lied to? i've been deceived. deceived by money hungry assholes. today i found out that the job i thought i had, was a scam. i'm not even offended on a personal level. i just think it's really sad people stoop so low. maybe i'm just naive. i feel like deep down i felt this coming. they didn't even write the company name on the papers they handed me today. smiling right to my face and just lying. But it will all be okay. I'm not going to let this get me down. I'm going to have positive thinking.

when negative things like this happen i try to remind myself of all the things i do have to be thankful for. i have a lot of things, things that i probably don't need. i'm grateful for the people in my life who have remained constant. i'm thankful for alan i'm so excited! my sweetheart αℓαη is planning on visiting me sometime soon. we're hoping for december sometime. it will be wonderful to see him again. i can't wait to snuggle by the fire and drink hot chocolate. just holding each other. cherishing each other. i know that everything will turn out exactly how it supposed to. and i'm so excited to keep looking for a job. i know that good things are going to happen to me. and i know that alan and i are in true love. i love him so much.

that's all i've got for now.

staring into the horizon

is my life really about to change? is this the moment i've been waiting for? i think i'm someone who likes to be in new exciting places. and after a while everywhere loses it's excitement. is it possible to be in a place that will hold my attention? a time in my life that i will be fulfilled?

of course it's possible. i always say i believe it and that i desire it more than anything..

i don't think i'm capable of staying in this state...when my love isn't here. a love that i thought i'd already lost. a love that i was devastated from losing and yet...here it is. right in front of me. there's so much to explore and experience. and instead of waiting for

i can just find you and i'll have you right there with me.

and i really believe that i could be ready because i know that..

There's much more life to live

& a lot more love to give.

the hardest part is going to be saying

to all of the friends i've made here. although, i believe for some it isn't going to be a goodbye that will last forever. more like a, see you later. am i ready for this? i don't want to be without him again or any longer. all i know is no one makes me feel like he does. id be happy laying by his side forever..or even better, gazing up at the texas starry sky...maybe that's why it's called a leap of faith. i've just got to believe...

Couple Graphics

Craigery Michael Owens

birthday boy

was born august 26, 1984 in davison, michigan. he's got to be one of my most favorite people on the planet. he has lived on this earth for 26 years. i'm so thankful that craig was able to make it to this birthday. last summer, a mere few days after i had met craig owens at warped tour, he overdosed. i remember how stunned i was to find out that this happened. i instantly felt tears streaming down my face. how could this artist that i had come to adore do this to himself? how could he leave us all behind? i was soon after greeted with a blog entry by owens, explaining himself and telling us all how grateful he really is. i'll never forget the feeling i had reading that. i wondered if he could ever really know how many people love him and will continue to support him.

I love every piece of art that Craig Owens has created. I have all of the albums he has made. at the time in my life when i discovered chiodos i felt an instant connection with the words and the music that i was hearing. his words seem to flow out of him and into my soul. i felt like someone actually understood what i was thinking. i could find my own personal haven inside the words he sang and spoke to me through his music. he means what he says and sings with such conviction. his voice can be so many emotions, he can swoon you in one verse and be screaming his head off in the next. he's diverse and multifarious.

having seen craig fives times i know the true power behind his songs. it isn't until you see the smile on his face and feel the radiation from his happiness that are able to understand why it is that i love him so much. at his acoustic shows he likes to take some time during the later half of the show to have everyone at the show sit down on the ground and he sits on the edge of the stage. he just talks with us and plays acoustically and we can sing along with him. doing this are some of the best memories i have. next to meeting him of course...this is the story behind my second encounter...

september 20, 2009

baltimore

mid-afternoon on september twentieth of last year i was surfing myspace at my boyfriend, alan's, apartment. as usual i found myself on craig owen's myspace. as i scroll down i suddenly see tour dates, i always check dates but some reason i'd missed this one.

Craig Owens - The Ottobar Baltimore MD 9.20

HOLY SHIT! I exclaimed. I turned to Alan and immediately said, "Craig Owens is going to be in Baltimore, tonight."

Alan, being the most amazing boyfriend that he is, agreed to take me see Craig Owens!! Thank you baby for staying after the show & waiting with me to meet him, it's because of you i met my favorite artist. you have no idea how much this simple act meant to me alan.

you

give me

such

so today, i'm saying thank the universe craig owens is alive. and thank you alan.

so, happy birthday craig owens :)

i love mythbusters. i enjoy the process of busting myths. i also love watching mythbusters with my amazing boyfriend. we both love watching the science channel because we're cool like that.

i'd be a vampire if i could because then i could be with my love forever and ever just like edward and bella. i definitely have a love better than edward and bella's though. i have alan. and when i'm with him i get this familiar feeling...







june sixth. two thousand nine

there are many things that i wish i had done differently, but i know that i've never been more grateful to have someone in my life. i've learned so much along this journey so far. i know that i have to be patient. i also have learned not to take everything around me for granted when it becomes familiar. i want to live a life of compassion. i want to make the person i love happy and i want to be happy. i love you william alan waugh more than you'll ever understand.i know there is much more to learn about love. i'm willing to do whatever it takes though. like i've said a million times, i believe in love. love that can endure all things and overcome many obstacles. i'd say that mine and alan's love has overcome obstacles and it is still standing the test of time.

i'm sure there will be many more things that my love will have to endure. and i'm ready for it. i'm not going to be the idiot i was before. i'm not going to let this amazing person get away. alan has changed my life in more ways than he knows. i'm so grateful that he realized how true my love for him really is.

kaitlyn. how do i begin to describe our friendship? well, who knows if i would've become so close with her if all the stuff with you know who didn't happen. i'm just glad that i started talking to you in the first place. i had no idea that we would be able to connect so well. our friendship only contributes to me believing that everything happens for a reason. i know that if we lived in the same town we'd be the best of friends. i think it's just really comforting to find someone who can understand things you've gone through or are currently going through. kaitlyn seems to get me and i get her and our friendship works because we both care.

another thing that i love is zombies. my love also likes zombies i love you baby (: i've always enjoyed zombie movies and even if i don't simply adore all the "classic" zombie movies, i'd say i still have a legitimate love for them. i just enjoy watching them attack people and the humans try to survive the zombie apocalypse. is that wrong? i don't think it is..because i secretly believe that a zombie outbreak is possible. i mean any virus can start out of anywhere and turn us all into flesh eating, brain-desiring monsters. i want to be ready for it. and honestly, at this point i don't have a zombie plan.

if i became a zombie, i'd share my brains with you.

france.

hmm. i really really want to go to france. i've taken french for 5 1/2 years. i know that the food there has to be amazing and it's supposed to be one of the most romantic places ever. i've been told that Nice and Lyons are beautiful. however, i must agree with the stereotypes because i fear the snotty-ness of the french. but who knows, maybe i'll speak french so well they won't know i'm american. :) alors, je pense qu'est importante pour moi parler français avec toi. premierement, je veux dire qu'Alan est l'amour de ma vie. alan est la personne que je veux être par mon côté jusqu' à la fin de temps. je ne soigne pas que n'importe qui dit. je crois que nous sommes signifiés pour être ensemble.

i believe in a few things. i believe in love and compassion.

and the universe.

love love love. <3