i need you so much closer

it's been a month since the last time i wrote a blog. to me that seems absurd. but i guess things got really crazy and it was almost too hard to try and write it all out. even though i haven't been blogging i've still been having the same old rollercoaster of emotions. i'm happy to say that i really feel like my life has purpose now. something to live for. after feeling what life would be like without him i can honestly say that i don't ever want to be without him again. i'm so happy knowing he is mine. all mine.

however, us being so far apart hasn't been so easy for me. my love has an escape that i feel removes him from the pain of missing me.

i don't really have anything to escape to. i think about him all the time. i think about how i would be feeling at this point in my day if alan were there. and he makes everything better just by being there. some days i just want to lay around and do nothing. try to distract my thoughts from missing him. and the less i talk to him the more i miss him..does he miss me just as much? through all of this i know that the pain i'm feeling now will be worth it when i get to feel his arms around me again. i just get so paranoid. so afraid that i love him more than he loves me...because before that was truth to me. i trust him, with all my heart. that's why i have to believe. i believe in us. i can't wait to start my life with alan. oh, the simple sound of his name is enough to make my heart flutter.

besides everything with my love, things are...slow. my life feels like it's in slow motion each day i'm without him. and days we don't even get to talk... i will never ever take him for granted ever again. i hope he realizes how precious what we have really is. i think we're meant to be. meant to be together forever. there's reasons for everything. i believe in cause and effect. i believe that everything is good and everything is bad. i believe in love. i believe in change and adventure.

I love him. he's my true love.

i've finally realized that true love doesn't have to be like in the movies. it's not going to be that fairytale. but it is going to be something spectacular. and i know it will be a love like the world's never seen. a love that can conquer anything. and it's not going to be easy. but it's definitely something worth fighting for. i don't want you to let me go..
we can snuggle all day and whisper sweet nothings. or just call each other nigga. pookie you mean so much to me. i love love love love you. i love your green eyes and soft lips. i love your smile and the way i feel in your arms. i can't wait to do everything with you. they'll mean so much just because it's you. you're the most special person in the world to me. no one makes me feel the way you do. no one can understand me like you can. i have learned so much about myself because of you. you're everything. i will always love you.