we're gonna spin through the stars

the last time i wrote i had decided i was going to remain positive.

it's becoming harder to do, but i think i'm achieving a positive attitude.

let me be straight up, things didn't turn out how i wanted them to. visiting him...i found out a lot. i also know a lot about myself, that i know that i need to change. there are many mistakes that i have made and it's going to take time to correct them.

now i just have to have patience. this is something i've never been particularly good with. however, since high school i have done a lot of inner work on myself and tried to become a more patient person. here stands my test i suppose.

i am in love. i don't expect that to change. i don't want it to change. i just want to feel happy again. i know that i can feel happy on my own. i know that. it's just that without this certain person in my life i feel somewhat empty. and i can't help but look back on all the stupid things i did, the way i acted. i wish i could rewind and do it all over. i regret so much.

it is eating me up inside. the pain of all of this. i just want to be by his side..i want him to feel the same way he used to feel about me.

will it ever be like it was?

the only way to know is to wait...and that's the hardest part.

i love love. i truly believe love is all i need. there's nothing else i feel so completely empty without. and it's not just love, it's the love of the person that i love. i love him so much. so deeply. so much more than i thought i could. and i keep blaming myself over and over and over.

i'll wait for love. i'll wait for you.

i don't know what else to do.